Right Here All Along
by: Trickster_Jaina_Fel



Disclaimer: the song (lyrics are in italics) is "Right Here All Along" by Amanda Marshall. I don't own it; nor do I own Jaina, Zekk or anyone or anything else in the SW galaxy. I'm not making any profit out of this

Summary: When loss tries to make its mark yet again, Jaina is faced with a few harsh realizations.

Author's Note: ok, I'm warning you now: I'm really bad at mush, especially plotless mush (which this basically is). However, this song begged to be put in a J/Z songfic so…voila. Hopefully the consequences of writings this isn't too horrible :P


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Jaina watched him sleep in the dark, only the light of the moons allowing her to see his face. His dark hair was tousled, his skin bright pink as an after effect of having his burns treated. The med-droid had finally given him permission to leave the med-bay today and now they were in Zekk's flat. One of his arms was badly broken and he would most likely walk with a limp for the rest of his life. And while Zekk had certainly had his better days, she drank comfort from the sight, the events of the past few days still causing her a deep ache in her heart.

Shadow boxing in my head again
Lying here beside you in the dark
Making mountains out of nothin'

She'd almost lost him. The 'Vong had nearly taken him from her, as if it weren't enough that they took her little brother and Chewie. Was it their goal in life to destroy her life? After the events of the past few years she had to wonder.

A shiver crept across her shoulder blades and down her spine as she recalled the horrifying punch to the gut she had received upon hearing the news of Zekk's crash. She had been speaking with Wedge, just come in from a routine scout flight. When he had told her - told her that Zekk had been shot down - she ran.

She must have bumped into people but she could hardly remember it, couldn't remember if she had apologized or if she had simply bowled them over. She vaguely remembered shaking Jag away when he saw her in the hallways. He'd asked what was wrong, if she recalled correctly. She must have been crying for him to notice…certainly, he didn't know her well enough to recognize her facial expressions already.

Hoping against hope
And making deals with God

She'd flown to Tatooine, urging her X-wing to go faster than it ever had. She barely remembered the infinitely long period of time she had spent in the emptiness of hyperspace. She guessed that she had spent most of that time pleading with the Force, hoping he would be all right.

When she arrived she all but ran to the med-bay, demanding to see him. It turned out that the crash had not been fatal, or even truly serious, but still more than enough to keep him off his feet for some time. Even now, nearly a week later, she could feel the heartfelt relief that had come with the realization that she had not lost him.

Then I feel you stir beside me
And you don't say a word
But I still know

She had camped out by his bed, fussing over him until he had threatened to use the Force to knock her out if she didn't stop. She might have taken his threat to heart if it hadn't been for the twinkle in his emerald eyes, the love. It should have surprised her - to see that emotion in his eyes, after everything that had happened - but instead she smiled, recognizing the same sentiment rise up within her.

It had been the first time in years she had felt that way about him…or had it?

And in your eyes I see the reason
In your smile I see the road that takes me home

She could not help but wonder if, perhaps, she had never stopped loving him, if, instead, she had simply hidden it from herself. It was, of course, possible. Force knew she had found a Zekk-look-alike to fill the void in her life.

She had met Jag on Ithor and was immediately swept away by his charm and good looks. Only when she realized that she would still feel the ache Zekk's death would cause, no matter what she did, did she begin to comprehend that Jag had been a safe replacement.

That all the things I looked so far to find
Were right here all along - right here all along

Yes, Jag had been "safe" - no doubt, if he died or left her for the Unknown Regions, she would feel the sting of loss but she would recover. There was a distance between them that no amount of snatched, secret kisses could make disappear. For all the galaxy - well, those that had actually known - they had been perfectly suited: New Republic "princess" pilot and Chiss colonel, son of the famed Baron Fel…surely it was a match made in the heavens. But there had been a lack of…substance to it, exactly for the reason that it had been "safe."

She would not waste weeks, let alone months, of tears on Jag should it come to that, but nor did she find comfort, shelter in his arms when she lost a pilot in her squadron. Not really.

Sometimes life can make you tired
You get used to being on your own
Looking for something to count on

With Zekk… She shook her head. It was definitely unsafe territory for her heart. She doubted she would ever truly be able to get past his death, when it came to that. Their friendship, their love, bound them tightly, until they were two halves of one person. His demise would tear part of her heart that would not be quickly repaired.

But, at the same time, their bond saved them both. She found a comfort in his embrace that she found no where else; she laughed easier, smiled more frequently in his presence.

Wishing for a love that's carved in stone
But I can hear you through my worry
Your voice is telling me to "let go"

It had been only a matter of days after she admitted her love for Zekk that she told him. Granted, she had thought he was asleep but she had forgotten just how much he adored pretending to be asleep when he was actually listening to every word that was spoken.

The window rattled suddenly, the wind whistling harshly, breaking her out of her reverie and she crossed the room, closing it as quietly as she could, hoping to let Zekk sleep. Outside the two moons glowed softly across the sand that was being whipped around by the wind in an intricate dance. It was cool, a pleasant contrast to the scorching heat of day and she leaned against the window pane, looking out. Any time now the suns would be rising…

Then I feel you stir beside me
And you don't say a word
But still I know

She did not jump when he placed a hand on her arm but was mildly irritated. What did he think he was doing, walking around in the middle of the night? He was supposed to be resting. She turned to tell him so but before she could form the words he placed his index finger against her lips, silencing her.

And in your eyes I see the reason
In your smile I see the road that takes me home

He smiled wryly, his eyes laughing, and her resolve to tell him off melted. "I broke my arm, not my legs."

"You should be resting," she managed to protest. Stangitall, did he have to look so amazing at this time of night?

In my heart I know the answer
That all the things I looked so far to find
Were right here all along - right here all along

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure I'll survive a small midnight chat."

"Yeah, well, just remember: if you die I'll never let you rest in peace."

He chuckled and leaned forward, closing the gap between them. "I'll be sure to remember that Goddess."

Then I feel you stir beside me
And you don't say a word
But still I know

"You do tha-"

Her words were cut off as he leaned forward and stole a soft kiss that made her shiver. "Yes, Goddess," he breathed, a roguish twinkle in his eyes.

And in your eyes I see the reason
In your smile I see the road that takes me home
In my heart I know the answer

"Stangitall Zekk, don't do that!"

"What - this?" And he kissed her again, this time harder, his unbroken arm pulling her close to him.

That all the things I looked so far to find
Were right here all along - right here all along

When he finally pulled away he flashed another heart stopping grin. "Were you saying something, love?"

She sighed. "Impossible man."

And when I needed a hand to hold
You give me shelter from the cold baby yeah
Oh yeah, yeah

"Maybe, but you love me, so you won't hurt me for my faults."

She mock-scowled. "Don't tempt me." They lapsed into a comfortable silence and she turned back to the window. When she next moved it was to point out the approaching dawn. His grip tightened on her waist and his head rested on top of hers.

Just when I thought I had nobody baby
You were right here all along

She smiled at the rising suns, seeing the almost symbolic nature of this scene. A chapter of her life had been closed when she brushed Jag aside to fly to Zekk's side. It was time to put it aside. She pressed against Zekk, felt him brush her mind lovingly with the Force, prompting her to sigh in contentment.

And when I thought I had nobody, babe
You were right here all along

Her uncle Luke had told her that, as the Sword of the Jedi, she would never find peace. Well, she decided, feeling almost like an insolent child, kriff what "Master Skywalker" said because, in Zekk's arms, she found something that felt quite a bit like peace and she planned on staying where she was for as long as she was able.

And in your eyes I see the reason
In your smile I see the road that takes me home
In my heart I know the answer
That all the things I looked so far to find
Were right here all along - right here all along




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